Shocks of Insanity
by fluorescent lights
Summary: And her eyes were bright with a fever of insanity. DerekCasey
1. Fever Dreams

You know what sucks?

When you meet someone you really deep down _like_, and you're afraid of **committing**.

I mean, you didn't ask to be _scared_. You didn't ask for God to hand you this **delicious** creature who _wants_ **you**.

No, you're just _scared_ to be with this **delicious** creature. You're _scared_ that the relationship/ whatever this is, will **fail**. And you don't want to _lose_ this person. Because what if you really are in **love** with this person? What will you do if you move too _fast_ and suddenly they don't want to be with **you**?

We are the people who never want to get hurt. We didn't ask to be _scared_. We are just **afraid**.

I, Derek Venturi, am _afraid_.

Kendra, Sally, Emily: They were amazing.

And there are more, Roxy, Daisy, Jill, Wendy... the list goes on.

I don't mean to fall for these girls, it's **fate**.

_Fate_ decided I'd be **commitaphobic**.

And _Fate_ decided I'd **love** Casey McDonald. (And that she'd be the _only_ one person I really, **truly care** about.)

I think _Fate_ sucks. Just like it's little gifts it sends me.

* * *

Casey's a **dancer**.

Why _Fate_? You choose the girls who **intrigue** me.

Kendra was the female copy of me. Sally was the girl I listened to. Emily... was the girl next door. The boy always falls for her at one point.

Now Casey. My _step-sister_.

The **dancer**.

We all want one. Casey has these... long (_gorgeousandohsoperfect_) legs that stretch forever and **never** end. Her blue-grey eyes _collide_ with my dark brown ones. Her cheeks have this leftover baby fat that only showed when she smiles her wide grin. And I thought how odd it was that a dancer could be so damn **clumsy**. She hid her dancing from me.

And then, we created our own dance.

I discovered the dance one day in the supermarket. She had ran off to go buy some random thing when Marti dragged me to the candy aisle.

And that's were we found Casey, standing in the candy aisle, oogling all the different candies.

And her eyes were bright with a fever of _insanity_. Those candies were her **lust**. And then when I thought Marti would ruin that moment by speaking, she ran off to go get some cookies or something, while I was left with Casey, who was completely unware by me watching her.

Casey held two candy bags to herself, one chocolates and the other gummies. To most people, this was irrelevant. Why did this matter so much?

This was the beginning. My own fever of _insanity_ crashed upon me when I saw her look at those candies like that. I knew in my heart that if Casey, cavity-fearer, would eat a few candies, she would have some thought of being with me. Casey never seemed one to take risks, but seeing her with those candies drove me **mad**.

So before the fever _cooled_, I wrapped my arms around Casey's waist, and pulled her into me. And it was honestly a dance. Our tongues **tangled**, and _tangoed_. Our fingers **waltzed** and our eyes were always _open_.

It wasn't until I remembered Casey was a _dancer_ before we began to move. Still kissing, we moved to the left, and then the right. Casey's eyes closed as she began to feel our imaginary **music**, and we just _danced_ as we **kissed**.

We broke apart after a while, and Casey, after looking at me, walked off. She didn't take her candies.

I bought them.

And that night, Nora chose to watch Mad Hot Ballroom for our family night, and I sat next to Casey. Although she hadn't met my gaze for the entire night, our toes touched, and we made them _dance_.

As everyone started to leave halfway, we stayed. And by the ending, our tongues began to **tangle** again.

_And she fell asleep in my arms._

But when I woke up in the morning, she had left. I walked to her bedroom where she sat, huddled in a ball, and she looked at me with those blue-grey eyes again and whispered, "Just a day of **insanity**."

I didn't mention that I wanted to be with her _forever_, or that, for the first time, I wanted more than kisses. I wanted to be with **her**.

No, I just left.

* * *

Casey is _innocent_.

And I **want** her so goddamn _badly_.

It's not fair how much.

And **look** at her. She struts, with her goddamn curvy hips _shaking_, and her short skirt **hitching** up her _legs_. And I want to just **kiss** her right now and _never let her go_.

But college is not a time where I can do these things. High school was **easy**. I made out with girls in janitor closets most of the time and I still managed my B- average.

Now we had to wait till _after_ class.

It almost wasn't worth it.

**But Casey was**. So I _waited_.

And when I saw her, I was ready to **jump**.

I was so perfectly _close_. I could feel the heat **radiating** off her.

This wasn't _lust_. This was something my heart could not entirely register.

But my brain could guess it was **love**.

No one here knew Casey was my step-sister. It was almost an unspoken agreement.

_Butterflies_. There were goddamn **butterflies** in my stomach. And it felt _good_.

I felt like a real teenager for once.

So close. But then... a boy comes. And I'm **tempted** to run faster, steal Casey and her heart and _never let go_.

It's like slow motion. I'm still walking towards her, not knowing what to expect. And she sees this guy and he's so goddamn **taller** than her, so she has to go on her goddamn _tippy toes_ to reach his lips. I saw the **light** in her eyes.

_Her fever of insanity._

I really wanted to **punch** this guy and scream, 'Don't ever touch her again.' But how could I do that? Break Casey's heart? When I wanted it so fucking _bad_?

I **couldn't** break her heart. _I could never hurt her._

Sometimes, life fucking **sucks**.

A week later, I woke up to the noise of _knocking_. I yanked some pants over my boxers and muttered to myself, wondering how any **pyschototic** person thought it was fine to wake Derek Venturi from his sleep. I yanked the door open and saw the girl I'd avoided for a _week_.

Casey's eyes were **puffy** and her cheeks were _tear stained_. I didn't need to ask her what was **wrong** or why she was _crying_. She didn't want to tell me.

She just looked at me with those puffy eyes and wrapped her arms around my neck. And as if my body was moving for me, I swooped her up and brought her to my **bed**.

I lay her down and she stared at me some more. We didn't _kiss_, and my body was hovering over **her's**. Her fingers nestled on my wrists and she slowly traced my bare chest, my neck, my mouth.

She just touched my face after that.

And after what seemed like forever, she brought her face to my ear and whispered rather _naughtily_, "I want to **fuck** you."

My heart _raced_.

And she brought my face to hers, so I could see her **feverish** eyes, and we kissed _vigorishly_. She pulled my **pants** down, I pulled her _top_ over her head, her **tank top**, her perfectly lacy _bra_. I kissed her **everywhere** and she pulled at my _boxers_. Our bodies, melded together, didn't let her pull them. So she **ripped** them off.

She eagerly took off her _skirt_ and I ripped off her **panites**.

And then I realized how wrong this was, but how much I fucking _wanted_ it. She kept kissing me everytime I tried to **stop** it, so I picked her up and pinned her to the _wall_.

"Casey. Stop."

Her **fever** eyes met mine. I _resisted_ kissing her.

"De-rek," she **panted**, "I want you. _Let me give you the best fuck you've ever had_."

And my heart almost **shattered** because I knew this would Casey's _first_ time, but she would be the most **amazing** person to be with.

"I can't be your _rebound_."

Her nails dug into my arms and she kissed me. My hands **groped** about her, and suddenly I was _rubbing_ her legs and she was **moaning**, "Derek."

And I was _begging_, "Rip my name like you do."

So she started screaming, "**De-rek**."

And after gaining my compusure, I moaned, "Casey, _stop_ this."

She pouted like a six year old and kept kissing my neck, "**No**."

I _ripped_ her off of me and I held her shoulders tightly, "Yes. We are **not** doing this."

Her eyes cooled down. And she whispered, "_You don't want me_."

My eyes were practically **stinging** with the urge to _cry_.

"I **want** you so fucking much Casey. But we can't do this. I can't do this, because in the morning, you'll _pretend_ this never happened. But I want this to be a memory you'll never want to **forget**. You don't _want_ me **enough** yet."

Casey stared at me and looked at the floor, "Can I borrow some clothes? I just want to fucking _leave_ and I don't have any clue where mine are and you **destroyed** my panties."

I _blushed_ a little and thanked the lord we were in a **dark** room. "Sure."

She dug around in my drawers and I pulled on my clothes.

She walked to the door, fully clothed, and whispered to me, "I really did want you. I really thought you'd like to _fuck_ me."

I closed my eyes, "I hate it when you say **fuck**. You used to call it _making love_."

She choked back a **sob**, "I grew up a little."

And she _left_.

* * *

Yes, I wrote a racy fic. I was not expecting that from me either.

Might post a sunshine/ fluff sequel? I'll see if I get more than 5 (yes, that's the highest my brain can think of right now) reviews or favorite stories that like it! :)


	2. Forgotten Pain

Disclaimer: Ehh, let's skip this part.

Author's Note: SHOCKS. IS. UPDATED. (Yay!) This is Derek's point of view. Basically. He is Derek and she is Casey. (You should know this by guessing.) Andddddd... CASEY IS GETTING A STORY OF THIS.

Okay. YOU NEED TO READ. I'm excited! Okay. ENJOYYY. :3

...

* * *

He sees the skirt again.  
It's a breezy day, and he sees it, teetering off her long, dancing legs and he has to turn away.

(He has to.)

~.~.~

She calls him, "Mom lost the baby."  
He opens the door and there she is.  
She doesn't look at him and speaks into the phone, "Remember when you used to comfort me?"  
"Yeah," he whispers, "But then you became a slut."  
He closes the door, and listens to her sobs through the phone.  
When he finally hangs up, it's the morning and his phone bill will be ridiculously expensive, and she's still slumped in his doorway.  
(He has to take the fire escape to avoid her.)

~.~.~

He takes a deep breath on the phone, "Nora?"  
She tries to pretend nothing's wrong, that she's not suffering eternal pain, "Hi Derek. How's college?"  
He whispers, "Casey told me."  
She sobs and he stays on the phone and says, "I'm so sorry Nora. For everything."  
(He doesn't know why he said everything because then he thinks of dancing legs and he has to breathe in again.)

~.~.~

The thing is, girls still line up by his door. They always will.  
So he jumps into the wave and tries to forget about her.  
(It's becoming hard.)

~.~.~

He breaks another girl's heart. He thinks this one's name is Cynthia.  
She screams in a painful voice, "Why does this hurt so much?"  
He whispers back, "If only I knew."  
He closes the door and he turns away.  
(If only he knew.)

~.~.~

She ends up coming to him, "Why are you an ass?"  
He ignores her, and she keeps pestering, "You broke my best friend's heart, and then her friend's heart and then that girl's cousin's heart and-"  
He growls, "Leave me alone. Stop. Talking. To. Me."  
She puts her hands on her hips and he notices she isn't wearing that skirt but jeans. "You're my brother (she whispers this) and I have every right to tell you that you're horrible."  
He snaps and says in the loudest voice, "You tried to fuck me Casey. I'm hardly your brother (he whispers this)."  
She looks shocked and the little insane twinkles come in her eyes, "You are the worst human being on the planet."  
She begins to wail and he runs away before her newest boyfriend comes or whatever.  
(He can't handle seeing her broken and crying.)

~.~.~

Her boyfriend, Jeff, he thinks, comes and pushes him.  
"What did you do to Casey?"  
Derek laughs, "She tried to fuck me Jeff."  
He turns away, pathetic.  
"You think you're so cool Venturi, but you aren't."  
Derek turns around, speaks in his suave, smooth voice, "I'm not trying to be anything. I'm just the way I am."  
Jeff stares at him and walks away.  
(Derek pretends Jeff's gay so it doesn't sting as much when Jeff kisses Casey.)

~.~.~

Next week, it's a new boy toy Casey's leaning against.  
She comes up to Derek, boy toy only a few steps away and she ignores him, finally giving the silence he wanted.  
(He feels horrible.)

~.~.~

It's him who ends up speaking to her. He's the one who breaks the silence and she hugs him as he approaches.  
She kisses his cheek and it burns, "Thank you."  
He just enjoys the kiss and wishes that it was placed on his lips.  
(He doesn't know why she says thank you. But he's happy that he's been accepted again.)

~.~.~

She comes into his room one day with bags. Her eyes are emotionless and her smile is fake. He can tell by her teeth showing too much.  
She puts her bags in his room and says, "Tom kicked me out."  
He wonders who Tom is, but she throws herself in his arms and she's overflowing with tears and he's drowning in her beauty so she stays.  
(He likes watching her dream.)

~.~.~

One day, he's up earlier than usual and he's drinking coffee and she walks in, hair messy, smile faint, her eyes beautiful and glazed. She looks at him carefully and plants a kiss on his lips and it's bitter from the coffee but it's sweet and it doesn't matter that she has morning breath because he's tangled with her.  
She whispers in his ear, "I'm sorry."  
She breezes away, into their room, throwing on clothes and he's so confused so he sits and he sits and watches her fly out of the room.  
(He doesn't feel a tinge of heartbreak. But he realizes it's been broken for a very long time.)

~.~.~

She comes back home, reckless and drunk. She plants kisses all over him and it's not anything like the night that his heart snapped in half. It's more and it's less.  
She pushes away before anything more than kisses occur and falls asleep.  
He laughs at how she is still strict even when she's drunk.  
(He watches the dreams pass her eyelids and he can't sleep so he kisses her forehead and listens to her whisper his name.)

~.~.~

The days are sweeter. He doesn't leap into the girls lining by his door.  
She's all he notices.  
(He likes being with her like this. She and him... Chaos traces his heart.)

~.~.~

He notices that she doesn't have a boy toy this week. And as he points this out, he looks down and realizes he's holding her hand.  
Her smile is so bright (it reminds him of the fever in her eyes) that he realizes what this means.  
(He's gotten in deeper than ever, and he's not afraid.)

~.~.~

He tells her about her fever eyes one day.  
And she kisses him pure and sweet and tells him that no one ever told her that.  
(He doesn't understand how anyone could miss it because it was the twinkle in her eyes that trapped him.)

~.~.~

She asks him one day, "What does this mean?"  
It's close to summer and it's just their first year here. They have to choose, together or apart.  
He whispers, sugar sweet, "Everything."  
She kisses him, breath lacing his face, "Really?"  
He circles her waist, brings her closer to him, "Absolutely."  
"I'm ready," she whispers.  
(He doesn't know why she's quiet.)

~.~.~

That night, everything is quiet. He thinks if her breathing was a piece of silk, it'd be transparent because he can see her heart, bright and beating in front of him.  
She's trying to say that she wants him, that she wants to be connected with him.  
(He doesn't like to say it, but he's not ready. He's not ready at all.)

~.~.~

She thinks he doesn't want her.  
So they take a break and he thinks it's the worst thing in the world.  
(He cries for nights on end and in the morning, he pretends his eyes aren't puffy.)

~.~.~

Three days later, they're back at home and their toes dance once more, a repeat of fever, and when everyone goes to sleep, they're awake together.  
He whispers, "I love you."  
And they dance again and when they part, he looks into her eyes and there is another fever mingling with insanity. It's the faintest fever of dreams and hope and happiness.  
"I love you too."

(He could almost taste the words and his heart was fixed. he wrapped it in shiny paper and handed it to her.)

~.~.~

That night, they were in bed. She was curled around him, clutching his heart and her lips were shiny.

He kissed her forehead and her eyes opened as she sleepily grinned at him.

She whispered, "Wanna do it again?"

And he kissed her (dreamshopeswishing) and felt warmth (acceptencehappinessperfection) wash through his body.

"Nope, you need to sleep."

She nodded and drifted off and he whispered in her ear, "Besides, we'll just stay in tomorrow and do it all day."

She laughed as she fell asleep, shocks twinkling her eyes.

(He could get used to this.)


End file.
